[Days/Destination/Miles etc.: Honestly guys, I’ve kinda lost track of this shit. After three weeks on the road my sense of time is distorted as well as the discipline to remember to check my odometer each morning. All I can say is that I spent 3 days in the Seattle area and I did a shit ton of driving all over the city (most of which was grindingly slow but that’s okay because I knew what to expect.)]

They told me not to go back to the U-District. It’s not worth it, they said, it’s changed too much. All the cool old haunts are gone, extinguished either by Covid or the slow creep of gentrification.

I listened, agreed, but in the end I went anyway. I couldn’t help it; I was called in by some unknown force. I had to go to see why I shouldn’t go.

The past is a tricky thing. Can we trust our memories, or are they inherently spoiled by our hopes, anxieties, and understandings from the present? I’ve often criticized nostalgia, the romanticization of former days for its own sake. I strive to look forward and not backward (this mindset has felt especially salient in light of the recent disruptions in my life). I don’t mean to say we should wholly discard the past, rather that one should keep it in perspective and minimize the emotional real estate it takes up.

Of course that’s pretty easy to say, isn’t it?

I have a complicated relationship with this town. I spent my college years here, what seems like a century ago. It was a time of great wonder. My life opened up tremendously, my mind and heart flooded with new experiences, new ideas, new friends, new loves. It was also a time of great fear, insecurity, and lost opportunities. I suppose this is more or less everyone’s college experience, but mine happened in the soggy, undulating metropolis that is Seattle.

Because this place means so much to me I can’t look at it objectively, and that’s a terrible condition for writing a travel blog. Where I should be noticing sights, sounds, traffic, architecture, patterns of behavior, cryptic vandalism, or a particularly questionable taco truck I’m distracted by recollections of antiquity and feelings of regret. I can’t help but compare this city to what I remember it (if, again, memory can even be trusted) and by extension memories of my former self to whatever vapid figure I see in the mirror today. Three weeks ago I hit the road to escape and here I am doing the opposite of that.

I’d visited Seattle several times since my college days and each time these feelings of anguished nostalgia crept up on me. Part of it is that the city truly has changed; it’s expanded, become Amazon’s home base, elevated its already ghastly housing prices, and generated a world class traffic problem (on the other hand, at least they have an NHL team).

But mostly it’s me. I’m caught up in my own bullshit, tormenting myself with intrusive thoughts both wistful and forlorn. I cherish the fun times I had dicking around the University District (usually high on something) but also mourn the opportunities missed, times when I was too introverted or depressed (or high on something) to truly take advantage of this city, make use of my expensive education, and make connections with people I’d end up tremendously missing when those days were over.

Yet for whatever reason this time was different. Maybe I’m finally getting old enough to let things go, or maybe Seattle’s spirit was better able to welcome me this time. I walked through the old haunts, noted how many of my favorite restaurants were gone, examined the fresh wave of upper-class developments and all I could do was laugh. Whatever. It is what it is.

Somehow, for the first time in years, I managed to feel at home in a city that had long felt alien to me. My love for Seattle was re-kindled, I felt the wet kiss of her raindrops and came alive. She’s a beautiful, exotic, lively, scarred, complex, and secretly quite kind creature. In the end it was painful to leave her behind but at least I got a taste of something I’d craved but couldn’t articulate, some kind of emotional closure.

That’s all I got. Hope you enjoyed the pictures.